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When someone trusts you in a negotiation (you’re always negotiating), they’re more likely to believe what you tell them. Thus, there’s hidden value in trust when negotiating from a long-term perspective. Once trust is broken it’s difficult to regain it. Therefore, broken trust sets off negative ripples that can have unintended and unexpected consequences in the future.

Let’s look at the trust factor with DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) as an example. The kids in the DACA program were brought to the US by their parents. In most cases, they had no input as to whether they would stay where they were, or travel to the US. They instinctively trusted their parents with that decision. Then, there’s the US government.

The US government basically said, if you register for the DACA program and abide by our requirements (i.e. check in every 2 years and make payment to stay in the program, go to college, serve in the military, stay employed, pay taxes), you’ll be OK in the US.

Some registered and some didn’t. Those in the DACA program trusted the government and abided by their mandate. Then, trust was thrust out the window. Those in the DACA program cried, ‘We did what you asked of us! Why are you going back on your word? We trusted you!’ Those that did not register for the program, if not stated out loud silently thought, ‘see, I told you so; you should not have trusted them. The government can’t be trusted. Now, the information you gave them will be used against you.’ The ripple that such a message sent to non-DACA members was, stay in the shadows and let the darkness protect you.

In the eyes of those in the program, the US government went back on its word and broke the trust it had conveyed. Suffice it to say, the ripples set forth from this situation will cause the government not to be trusted in future matters by different entities. They’ll mentally relate their situation to the resemblance of the DACA plight. That means those submitting information requested by the government will be skeptical at best and cynical at worse when contemplating a course of action that they should adopt. In essence, through the loss of trust, the government has made it more difficult for others to trust it.

If I tell you the truth, will you believe what I say and trust me? If my perception of the truth is altered in the future, will I be declared a liar? If so, what will become of our future negotiation efforts? Those are questions every negotiator needs to consider before and during a negotiation. That’s the hidden force that trust has on a negotiation.

When trust is the foundation upon which a negotiation is built, the truth becomes a happier companion in the negotiation. Therefore, when the truth as one knows it shifts, the shifting of the truth can still have believability.

Change allows you to embrace new experiences, and everything changes. Thus, what’s true today may be proven not to be valid tomorrow. Nevertheless, once trust has been established and nurtured by consistency, over a period of time change can withstand the onslaught of doubt and suspension. In so doing, even when your negotiations become difficult, you’ll have less of a challenge finding a path to success, simply because you had trust adding hidden value to your negotiation… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

Eckhart Tolle became famous with the help of Oprah Winfrey. He has best-selling books about his teachings about being happy by being in the present moment. His teachings have become very popular. WebMD.com has a recent article called Tips to Feel Better All Day. The tips include getting sunlight during the day (no mention of sunscreen or vitamin D), set yourself up for good sleep, eat “feel-good” foods like “fresh vegetables, fruits, and beans, and whole grains instead of refined or processed foods,” stay positive, make a spiritual connection and be around people.

One other tip that it has is “stay focused on the present moment.” It says “A practice called mindfulness can help you reduce the clutter by keeping your focus on the present moment.” Mindfulness does not mean being full of mind. It is another way of saying that you are in the present. But these descriptions are an attempt to describe something that is indescribable. It can be confusing when trying to figure it out.

A person could say how can they not be in the present since they do not have a time machine where they can travel into the future or the past. Eckhart Tolle uses this idea or concept to point to an experience that he had. This experience can be described as heaven or extreme peace and happiness. When you have an experience like this then you are not spending time thinking about past and future. But when thinking about the past or future, people are not usually aware of it since they do not have anything to compare it to. A person can think about being in the present but that is different than what Eckhart Tolle is talking about.

Some people have read his books and were very inspired by them. There was a hope from reading his book that in the future, they can be happier than they are now. But then they became disappointed when that does not manifest. Usually a teacher or coach will tell his students to do what he did when he was being taught. But Eckhart Tolle cannot do this since he did not have a teacher about this subject. He learned it from going through a great deal of depression.

After he leaned about this on his own, he learned about Buddhism to see how Buddhists taught about this to others. So he does not know how to get others to get where he got. Walking around saying to yourself “I will be in the present moment” will not help you. It is just thinking. So I feel that a better way to refer to being in the present moment is to say that you are trying to be deeper in the present moment.

People will think that they are in the present moment but not feel very happy. So instead of saying that are not in the present moment, you can say that they need to go deeper in the present moment to feel happier. Of course to do this someone should take up a particular practice that helps them to be deeper in the present moment.

Two practices that do help with this are yoga and martial arts. In fact in some Buddhist temples in China, they practice martial arts. For a more in depth view of being in the present moment to be happy, see Happiness: Being in the Present Moment. It has quotes about this from Buddha, Eckhart Tolle, psychologist Abraham Maslow and Positive Psychology.